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 Yeah, I guess, he said.
We were quiet. I could hear Mike s breathing. I unclasped
the fishhook bracelet from my wrist and threw it across the
room. It made a pinging sound against the mirror and fell into
the laundry basket. He hung up without saying good-bye.
I made an X with my arms and legs on the bed. My hands
and feet dangled off the sides, and I waited for the blood to rush
there. The clay feeling in my stomach had gone away, and now
I felt like I had gotten the wind knocked out of me.
I sat up and called Theresa.  I ll be right over, she said.  I ll
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tell my mother that I need help with math.
I went downstairs to the basement and told Mom and Wil-
liam that Theresa was coming over to get help with math. They
were watching a British mystery on PBS.
 Okay, honey, Mom said. I lingered in the doorway. I
couldn t decide whether to tell them about Mike. It felt rude to
interrupt their show, and PBS didn t have commercials. I waited
for one of them to ask me what was wrong. I wanted it to be
like when Mom told me I could quit the drill team. All I had to
do was burst into tears, and she would take care of me.
On TV a scruffy, nerdy investigator was questioning a red-
faced, overweight housecleaner.  And how long have you known
about Mrs. Shervington s previous marriage? he demanded. I
went back upstairs and put on my coat and hat.
When Theresa showed up we headed for the neighborhood
playground. It was deserted, and the jungle gym looked naked,
like some sort of modern sculpture instead of something kids
played on.
I lowered myself into a swing and kicked at the sand un-
derneath me.  God, this place is just like one giant cat box, I
said.
Theresa leaned over to light my cigarette. Her gloves smelled
of tobacco. When I lifted my cigarette to my mouth, I noticed
that my wrist felt lighter without the fishhook bracelet.
 There s something to be said for being free, Theresa said.
 I like it.
 I know, I said.  But I liked being Mike s girlfriend, too.
 That s weird.
 What?
 What you said. That you liked being Mike s girlfriend. Not
that you liked Mike.
 You know what I mean.
 Why d you break up with him, then?
I thought about it.  I don t know. It was just like all of the
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sudden it seemed like things had gotten so . . . pointless.
 Yeah. I can see that.
 Did it seem that way to you?
 Pointless?
 Yeah.
 God. I don t know. How would I know?
 Well. We weren t exactly Carrie and Lyle material.
 You say that like it s a bad thing.
 Well.
 Oh please, Carrie said when I told her I didn t want to sit at
the lunch table anymore.  Everyone is as much your friend as
Mike s.
We were at my locker, which was decorated with several of
Mike s drawings. I hadn t decided what to do with them yet.
 You can sit by me. Everybody will think I ve got two
chicks, Lyle said. He put one arm around me and the other one
around Carrie. I laughed. Carrie gave Lyle a look. Lyle took his
arm away and said he was just kidding. I slammed my locker
shut and followed them into the lunchroom.
The stench of cafeteria food and the closeness of the lunch
crowd was almost too much to bear. I kept my head down as
I made my way through the food line. I wasn t hungry in the
least. I finally settled on a soft pretzel and a grape juice.
 That s not much of a lunch, the lady at the register said
as I paid her.
 I have an eating disorder, I muttered. I felt faint. Mike was
already at our table, chatting away with Adam. He was wearing
a navy blue sweater I hadn t seen before, which unnerved me.
I sat down at the end of the table, as far away from Mike as
I could get. He picked up his sandwich and came over next to
me and sat down. He was having his usual sandwich, tuna salad
that he brought from home.
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100 POLLY
 How are you doing? he said.
I got up and moved next to Chris L. and Chris S. Mike fol-
lowed me. I got up and moved, and he followed me again.
 Come on, I know you still like me, he said, loud enough
for everyone at the table to hear.  Let s at least talk about it.
The sick feeling I had carried around with me all day was
going away.  I don t want to talk to you, I said.
 Come on, Polly. I know I m an asshole sometimes.
 Are you kidding? I said.  This is a joke, right?
 Look. I said I know I m an asshole. So will you just drop
this and be my girlfriend again?
 Is that a new sweater?
 Come on. I m asking you to get back together with me in
front of everybody.
I stared down at my soft pretzel. This was the last thing I
had expected.
 Don t fall for it, Polly, Theresa said.
 At least go to another table or something, Adam said.
Mike pushed his chair back and stood up.  Polly, I m order-
ing you to get back together with me right now! His hands
were flung wide, and his cheeks were red. He was acting like
one of Bethany s drama boyfriends.
I beamed.  Okay, you win, I said.
 I thought you d wised up about that twerp, William said when
I called him for a ride home from Mike s.
 I have wised up, I said. If I hadn t broken up with him,
Mike wouldn t have been so affectionate in the lunchroom. It
wasn t like Jason. This time it was going to work out.
Friday night Massive Hemorrhage practiced. This was a better
MI KE 101
practice than usual, as Lyle s mother was out of town with her
boyfriend and we d gotten a case of beer. I basked in the faint
scent of damp boxes mixed with the more generic scent of
Lyle s house, a smell as familiar to me now as the harsh over-
head lighting and the scratchiness of the couch.
After practice was over Mike squeezed himself next to me
on the couch and kissed me on the lips. He was sweaty from
playing, and his T-shirt stuck to him in places. I set my empty
Milwaukee s Best can on the floor. Mike put his arm around me
and I rested my head on his shoulder.
 Good practice, I said.
 Yeah, some of it, Mike said.  We need more songs before
we play out, though. I held his hand in my lap and ran my fin-
gertips over his calluses while he drank his beer with his other
hand. He wasn t stoned tonight. I liked him this way.
There was a rap at the sliding glass door. Lyle turned down
the stereo and yanked the curtains aside. It was Adam and a boy
I didn t know. The boy was wearing a leather motorcycle jacket
and his short bleached hair was spiked up like Billy Idol s.
 You guys know Todd, Adam said when they stepped in-
side.
 Hey, Todd said. His voice sounded familiar.
Lyle turned the stereo back up and everyone started talking
again. I watched as Todd crossed the room to the case on the
floor and helped himself to a beer. He straightened back up and
walked straight over to Mike and me. He cracked his beer open
and stared down at us. I was getting a bad feeling.
 What s going on, Todd? Mike said.
 Are you Polly?
 Yeah.
Todd s eyes raked over me.  You re the one who fucked my
brother, he said.
Todd didn t look a whole lot like Jason. Their coloring was
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102 POLLY
similar but Todd was taller and his nose was slightly larger and
more crooked. He had a cruel, dominant air about him that
Jason lacked.
 Jason and I broke up a long time ago, I stammered.
 I guess I should thank you,  cause Jason was a virgin.
Todd s voice was tinged with ridicule.  I thought he was gonna
die a virgin.
Adam laughed.  Who wants a smoke?  he said.
I felt myself redden as Todd s words sank in. Jason had been
a virgin like me. And still I hadn t been good enough.
Todd followed Adam outside and I made myself look over
at Mike. He had grabbed his guitar from the side of the couch
and was busying himself over a broken string.
 Well, I said. My voice cracked like a boy s.  That was [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]