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you're family, but please, please, don't put him out there
where he might get hurt. I couldn't take it if anything
happened to him. He's too& he's too& "
"Trusting?"
"Yeah." Noah nodded. "He belongs behind a desk,
figuring things out. He's too open and honest to deal
with the kind of crazies we occasionally meet. He can't
recognize ulterior motives hidden behind a friendly
face."
"Like you do?"
"No, all I see is the guilt these days."
"From what you told me, when you were younger,
you were more gullible than Jeremy. 'Optimistic' and
'easy prey' aren't the same things."
"That's different."
"Why? Because you didn't have someone at your
back, trying to drag you out of trouble every time you
Fallen Angel 195
walked down the street? You survived, Noah. You're
stronger than you've let yourself believe."
Noah hung his head, and for a moment, Doc regretted
his bluntness.
"Like it or not, deny it however much you want to,
Noah, you're well-suited to your task, and, until recently,
thrived on adversity. You've had a few setbacks, made a
few judgment calls -- necessary calls. They weren't bad.
You did, and always do, the best you can. Are you going
to throw away the good you've done because a couple of
things didn't turn out the way you planned?"
Noah dropped back to the couch, defeat written in the
slump of his shoulders. He pressed his face into his
hands.
Taking the advantage, Doc pressed on. "I'm fully
aware of where Jeremy's skills lie. He's a& " he glanced
at his notes. "& businessman. A negotiator, and that's
what I've planned for him. The two of you make a good
team. It's a team I want to take charge when I no longer
can." He added more softly, "Which might be quite
soon. Noah, these attacks are often signs of things to
come. It's highly likely that at some point I'll suffer a
genuine stroke."
Noah sat, head in hands, the subtle shaking of his
shoulders giving voice to his grief. Doc scooted closer,
wrapping Noah in his arms. "Why did things have to
change? Why couldn't we have gone on like we always
have?" came out in little choked sobs. "What will I do
without you?"
Ah, they'd reached the gist of Noah's fears. "You'll go
on. You, Jeremy, Mary, Donna, Kevin. The family
you've chosen for yourself. With time, you'll add more
as I did in my day. But you'll be the rock, Noah. The one
they depend on.
"Let me ask you something. Now that you've
resigned, when you walk down the street and see
someone in need, will you turn a blind eye, passing them
by without a second thought?"
Face still buried in his hands, Noah paused before
mumbling, "I'm not sure I can."
Fallen Angel 196
"No, I don't believe you could either. It's in you to
help. That's a good thing, and far too rare these days.
Don't throw away your gift. Too many people need you.
I need you."
"I've never& I've never lost someone before, not like
this. Billy's the only one close to me who ever died, and
that was years later. I'm not sure if I can take it, Doc."
Noah wiped his eyes on the back of his hand. "Are you
sure? Can't you go to another doctor?"
"I can go to however many doctors I choose; it won't
change the facts. I'm old; I'm going to die. It's the natural
progression. My illness may be slow and drawn out, and
toward the end, I may not even recognize you. But
promise me, if you've ever loved me, that you'll be
there." Doc glanced at the photos on the coffee table.
"My greatest fear is dying alone."
Noah wrapped his arms around Doc in a desperate
grip, crushing the breath out of him. "I love you, Doc;
I'll be there for you. No matter what."
Doc took advantage of the opening. "No matter
what?"
"I want to help, I really do," Noah said, grasping his
meaning. "While I'll support you any way I can, I& I
don't think I'm up to the rest."
Doc patted Noah's back, then ran his hand in soothing
circles. "I'm not going anywhere for a while yet.
Besides, there's a stipulation I'm attaching that, like the
new rules, I must insist on."
"Like what?"
"I want you to tell me what's bothering you."
Like flipping a switch, Noah returned to anger.
"Nothing's bothering me. Why does everyone insist
something's wrong with me?"
"Still getting stress headaches?" Doc asked,
discerning from the temple rubbing earlier that the
answer was yes, even if Noah refused to voice it. "Bad
dreams?"
Noah didn't deny it.
"Admitting to a problem isn't weakness. I've told you
my problems, haven't I? Besides, certain changes in
Fallen Angel 197
personality can occur with head injuries, and you took a
pretty good lick. Paranoia can be a symptom -- a
temporary symptom, God willing." He didn't push the
point, moving on quickly. "But you need to face your
demons or they'll hound you forever. Do you believe
you're the first person to ever find themselves in over
their heads?"
"Have you?"
"Yes. After my wife died, leaving me with a toddler [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]