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close of the letter.
I beg your forgiveness for my selfishness, Cassius my good friend. I earnestly
hope you will not find it in your heart to quarrel with my action, which I
took not merely for my sake, but also for yours. Whatever else happens, A.
will be safe with me. Please allow me to remain your obedient 
I could read no more. I could not even weep. Some shocks are beyond pain.
And that is how, on the parched African coast, I faced the total ruin of all
my dreams.
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Book II
60 62 A.D.
Poison and Unicorns
Chapter XII
IWILL NOT dwell on the dismal days before the decurion returned to Iol
Caesaria, except to say that I lost myself in a state of uncaring despondency
from which none could rouse me, neither for food nor bathing nor conversation.
None, that is, except the wine seller who visited my chambers regularly, left
two fresh skins of cheap, sour stuff and took away the ones I d emptied.
But a man cannot exist forever in such a state of despair, unless he plans to
do away with himself. That was not my intent, I realized, when the effects of
my debauch gradually wore off. I began to pay attention to my appearance
again, and to the slave who camped on my doorstep.
He reported that the decurion had been awaiting me at his house for five days
and nights. So I went, to make the best of my bad situation.
In a cool grove of fig trees on his estate, I met the man who governed the
bustling port city. Cornelius Publius was well into middle years, an
overweight widower with bright red cheeks that testified to good living. He
seemed kindly and thoughtful. He treated me as an equal, and did not question
my delay in arriving.
I related as much of my background as I dared, and presented my first letter
from Serenus. I had torn the second one to shreds in a rage.
After looking over the scroll, Publius reached for a pale green sliver of
Numidian cucumber in a bowl between us, sprinkled it with grainy black cumin
and said,
 A hundred stadia or so down in the desert, we maintain a fort. It s one of a
string of them set up in the days when Caesar conquered the Gaetulian tribe
and raised Juba to the local throne. Game s plentiful nearby. I can furnish
guides, transportation and introductions to the commander.
 If you think the fort will serve as a good headquarters, Publius, I accept
your word.
 That s more than the Emperor does when I send in my regular reports. Publius
clapped for a slave and ordered writing materials.  Since I never receive any
answers I assume he never reads them.
Somewhat embarrassed to bring up the subject, I said,  The true nature of my
mission  
He interrupted.  I know. It s been all over town for days. Unicorns.
 The fact that none has even turned up doesn t rule out the chance that they
exist. Does it?
 That s false hope shining in your eyes, Cassius. I judge you to be smart
enough to recognize it.
 I am. I have no choice. Nero refuses to accept a rhino s horn.
Applying himself to writing, Publius commented,  Even rhinos are scarce in
this part of Africa. You d have a terrible time journeying far enough south to
trap some. I m not sure you d make it on your own, let alone with the charming
lady who is your mistress.
On that score I said nothing. I didn t wish to tell him that my mistress was
drinking practically as heavily as I had been, and never spoke to me except to
shrilly denounce my stupidity. Publius finished his letter.
 Actually, Cassius, your presence here makes me wonder what fills the heads of
the Emperor and the people of Rome. Do they only worry about finding mythical
beasts to gratify their desire for pleasure? He passed over the scroll.  The
liberty in which the Republic was founded can t last long, it seems to me,
when no one tends it. But perhaps the Emperor doesn t plan for it to last.
 You may be right. His cult of personal power increases day by day.
Publius indicated the dark green foliage of the fig trees rustling in the
humid breeze.  Personally I prefer my isolation here. In my opinion the
bloodline of the Julian Caesars bears a distinct bad taint these days. A taint
that forecasts its end. On my last visit to Rome it was apparent that the
place was becoming a sinkhole of public and private vice.
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He cast an oblique glance at me, to test my reaction. When I nodded he laid a
gnarled and kindly hand on my arm.
 Your return, I hear, is contingent upon finding the horn of that fictitious
animal. Perhaps you d do well to accept the futility of the search right now.
Learn to live content in Africa. The air is sultry, but it s fresher by far
than the wind blowing off the Palatine. And much more free.
Remembering Agrippina s hacked body and the disillusionment of Seneca, I said,
 I am beginning to believe it, sir. Once I thought Rome was bright and happy.
I wanted to be part of it. Lately I ve seen some of the tarnish under the
brightness. I looked at the sealed letter in my lap.  Still, I am a partner
in the Cassian School. I ll go on my hunt, for unicorns as well as more
practical quarry, and trust to luck.
Publius rose.  Generally I m here at all time, except for inspection tours.
Feel free to call on me for assistance. Now, about your departure & 
Inside the house, he summoned his steward and we made preparations. When I
returned to my quarters, I reluctantly went to inform Locusta that we would
leave in four days. I found her sitting in a state of dishevelment in her
apartment, fanned by a shining-black Numidian girl she had insisted I hire. I
could hardly stand to look at her any longer. Her coppery hair showed whitish
streaks. Her greenish eyes were dull. Her breasts seemed to sag. She smelled
of wine, watching me owlishly while I related my news, concluding,  It makes
no difference to me whether you stay or remain, Locusta. If you find the city
more comfortable  
 Comfortable! she jeered.  A sunbaked wallow for hogs! I ll go with you.
 Why? Obviously you dislike the idea.
 Dislike it? I detest it. I detest you, and all the misery you ve brought me.
 Then why in the name of the gods do you continue to hang on me like a leech?
I shouted.
The Numidian girl ceased fanning, biting her lip. Locusta rose, kicking over a [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]